You Received a Relationship Request
by Butterfree
Summary: After discovering his addiction to Facebook, Gon is adamant to "be in a relationship" with Killua, even going so far as pushing their status to married. This worldwide announcement captures a lot of unwanted attention, particularly from the Zoldyck family who are notorious for cross dressing little boys. CRACK-fic.
1. Chapter 1

"Would you cut it out? Even I'm getting bored."

Killua slumped from his spot on the bed. It had merely been a week since he introduced his best friend to the internet. The black-haired boy's following addiction to the technology was almost as grating on Killua's nerves as his own addiction to chocolate was for Gon; not that Killua would ever admit that. The assassin balanced a Chocorobo on his nose while hanging upside down from the mattress, all the while sending death stares at Gon.

Two days ago was when that whole misunderstanding on Deviantart happened. Gon stupidly went around telling people he was the real Gon Freeccs only to get spammed, scarred for life, and banned for impersonating an individual. Not so luckily, Gon had managed to find about ten other sites to replace that blistering need. Another minute his boyfriend spent on the computer was another minute they weren't spending _together_.

Killua was just about ready to bash the other on the head to at least force him to eat something when the object of his annoyance glanced back.

"Hey Killua," Gon ignored his question. "What's Facebook?"

The assassin froze. He bolted up and slammed the screen shut. "DON'T GO THERE!"

"Huh? Why?"

"Gon…Facebook to you may sound like another stupid site." Killua lowered his head, eyes solemn and posture grave. "But don't be fooled! I heard it's a revolutionary infrastructure that uses an organized application process which only accepts obese sociopaths who live with their moms into their ranks. Their Nen abilities exceed that of us so much they cannot be called human." Gon stared. His irises flashed in caught interest until Killua shut him down.

"Don't even think about it! I know that you're saying to yourself that you can handle it, but these people…rumor is one guy went on the site just once and had his soul sucked out of him. Now all he can do is eat and sleep in front of the computer all day like…like a glutton! This is NO joke!"

To his irritation, the shorter boy simply laughed. "Killua, that's silly-! Everyone knows you can't eat and sleep without going to the bathroom too. Who told you that anyway?"

He hit Gon upside the head. "IDIOT! The guy in the story is my brother! I mean, have you seen that pig?!"

"…No?"

"Oh, right." Killua knew he lost this one. Looks like his best friend would have to see it himself to believe it. Taking in the silence, Gon shrugged and went back to his games.

"I'm going to make my name Gon Freecss-"

"THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS! At least make it so then the league of overweight maniacs wouldn't find and take your soul without lifting a finger."

Gon stuck his tongue out with a grin. "It sounds to me like Killua is _scared_."

"I AM NOT! I just…don't want to be fat and living with mother until I'm fifty-four, that's all!"

"Then what would your name be? To not make it so obvious I mean."

Killua pushed Gon out of his seat and logged out. He brought out the sign up screen before cracking his knuckles. The great Killua Zoldyck was not afraid of some fat underworld boss. His fingers moved, filling out the form. In minutes, he brought his blank profile up with a smirk. "There."

"…LightningMofoAssassin2?"

"LightningMofoAssassin was taken, okay?!"

Gon made a face. They both knew the white-haired boy had only made an account to prove a point and would probably never use it. After coaxing him from the chair, the two were back on the opposite sides of the room. Gon filled with wonder, and Killua resuming his upside down temper tantrum.

Five minutes later, the chair swiveled. "Killua…! I sent you a request. Look, look!"

"I swear Gon. If it's a Happy Farm request, I'll blow you into smithereens-"

"Nope; there's this thing called a relationship status you can have with your friends. I sent a bunch to you, Kurapika, Leorio, Palm, Hanzo, Knuckle, and Netero!"

Killua fell flat on his face.

"Eh? I got a notification from Hisoka."

"WHAT!" The chocolate treat lay forgotten in an instant, Killua practically sprinted to the laptop. He was unaware one of the chocolate balls was stuck on his forehead. "What did he say?!"

"Aw, he wants a relationship with me too! Hm, '_It's complicated_'? That's sounds pretty accurate. Why no-"

"THE HELL THAT'S HAPPENING!"

Before Gon knew what was going on, he was on the carpet, staring up at the spot he was just at to the sight of his boyfriend typing at lightning fast speed. He glared as Killua rejected the offer and sent a photo of Gon's brain frying that the assassin had taken on his cellphone. "Hey! That's not being very nice to Hisok-!"

_Gon Freecss is in a relationship with LightningMofoAssassin2._

"There, SEE?! I accepted your request! He CAN'T ask you now!"

With the lack of response, the white-haired boy whipped around.

Gon was staring at him blankly. "…Killua."

"…what?"

The boy tackle hugged him. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"ACK! STOP, IT'S EMBARASSING, YOU MORON!"

"B-But…" Gon tightened his grip. "We're in a relationship now!"

At this, the taller boy turned red. "It's still-"

_127 people like this._

Killua gaped. "W-When…! Just, WHEN?!"

"Ooh, it says 539 like us now!" In contrast, Gon seemed delighted as he snuggled against his friend's neck. Killua's mouth moved up and down like a gaping fish. Eventually, he calmed himself enough to run a hand down his tired face.

"God, online people are creepy…"

"How are they creepy?" The spiked boy snapped. "They're just being nice! OH! Look, Killua! Look…!"

He had a hand over his eyes to keep himself from witnessing the disaster. "What now?"

"It says we can change our status to say that we're married!"

"Gon, stop. Don't you dare click anything else!"

"But why…?" The brown eyed boy truly seemed hurt. "We've been together so long; isn't that what married people do? You don't think we're close enough? K-Killua…"

"N-No, that's not what I meant!" Killua tried to comfort him. There was an awkward pause. "What do you want me to say in a situation like this?"

Gon made a hopeful puppy face. "That we are?"

Killua didn't know what to do anymore. All he could muster was to look away from those eyes to stare at a spot on the ceiling. He sighed. "F-Fine. Seesh, you're so selfish."

"So we are?!"

"If it makes you happy…" He slowly moved out of his best friend's grip to get a handle on the mouse. Killua swore that as his fingers moved and those brown eyes watched him excitedly, his face was growing redder. Seconds later, the screen flashed with the confirmation. "Th-There."

Gon hugged him again. "I love you, Killua!"

_3687 people like this._

"Hey," the curious boy's mouth formed an 'o'. "They really like us!"

"…in bed probably…" Killua muttered darkly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." The assassin quickly corrected his slip up. "Can we shut this thing off now? I can feel the fat guy pounds adding up already."

"Aw, you're no fun, Ki-" Gon had chosen that moment to look at the screen. His eyes widened. "Uh."

"What?"

He slammed the laptop shut. "Nothing!"

"Oh no, it's something. You know how I know? Because you're a moron. Now move it!" Although Killua had sworn never to step foot in this site again, Gon's sudden soberness added to his own curiosity blew all of that away.

_Kikyou Zoldyck says: My little Kill is getting married?! OOOH, I sent out the invitations and booked a date when I found out! *heart* Illumi and his charming friend Hisoka are on their way to pick you up so you can come home and organize it. Father wants you in a pretty wedding dress, Kill and no we don't care that you're a boy and 12._

_Zeno Zoldyck tagged you in a photo._

"…"

"…That _IS_ a pretty dress."

"…"

"I didn't know your family has Facebook. Maybe this site is as deranged as you said it was."

"…" A short chuckle erupted.

Gon was beginning to back away. "Killua…?"

The addressed boy was shaking. Suddenly, he threw his head up in hysteria. "Phaha…that's REAL hilarious. A huge joke, I'm just-hahaHAAAHAHAHA!"

Gon's eyes peeled. "Ehehehe…?" Only to have his white-haired lover grab him by the collar, an off-the-edge grin sent his way.

"You know what would be equally hilarious? YOU wearing that THING."

Gon blinked.

"Actually, let's forget the wedding dress. You can just wear a dress everywhere you go from now on!"

Gon blinked again.

"While we're at it, you should rename yourself as _Gale_! She's just like you but a girl. Of course we'd have to grow your hair out and make you take ballet lessons too!"

Gon tilted his head.

"My, good morning, Gale." Killua imitated a house wife. "It seems you forgot your dumb pink school uniform in the wash. How about wearing this maid outfit instead? Surely it'll match your pale girly skin. With those tender brown eyes and cute face, it will…"

Silence, Killua's voice had suddenly dropped back to its original tone. "…compliment your sunny smile in a really…" Eyes gazed over, "really short lacy…skirt."

"SURE! Why not?!" Gon beamed.

Killua, the stealthy assassin he was, burst into a nosebleed. "N-No. You know what, d-don't. That was a horrible idea."

"But Killua," he whined. "It sounds like so much fun. We could even take some pictures of me and post them on Facebook!"

"THAT SITE AGAIN…!" The chocolate lover spun his head ninety degrees to glare at the screen. It was all that horrid site's fault.

"So can I be the bride or not?"

"Gon. We're twelve."

"We'll be 13 soon!" The black-haired boy's patience looked to be wearing thin. He wanted to get married to Killua as soon as possible. "Besides, your nice parents already created an event for us. 7000 people are going! We can't cancel it now."

It seems Killua Zoldyck lost another one.

"…you better wear that damn dress."

"Of course!" A beep brought both of their attention back to the screen. It was a message this time.

_Illumi Zoldyck says: I. Am here. To pick you up. Come outside._

Killua stared. "Wow. He even makes himself boring on the internet."

Before he could plan his escape, Gon grabbed his hand and dragged him to the exit of their small hut. Outside, Illumi in a fabulous kimono was waiting with Hisoka a few feet away.

Illumi eyed their interlocked hands. "I. Am happy. For you."

At this, Hisoka's grin dropped ever so slightly. "That sounds abysmal. I thought we practiced your line on the way here."

"I. Am so happy. I could die."

The clown clapped. "Much better!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

**This was originally a collaboration script I wrote with Phoenix-Thunder (please check out her stories!) for fun. It ended up so long and wacky that I just had to spruce it into a story and post it.**

**More chapters to come.**


	2. Chapter 2

Killua didn't know how it happened. A few hours later, they were in front of that familiar mansion that haunted his childhood without much struggle. He had a feeling it had something to do with Hisoka threatening them at boner point the whole ride.

"What are we doing here again?"

His companion didn't sense his hostility at all. "Silly Killua; to get married of course!"

"Gon."

"Hm…?"

"When I say '_you're a moron_', we bolt it out of here as fast as we can."

"I don't like that call."

He twitched, whispering harshly. "Then how about '_get it to your thick-headed senses and realize we're standing within 50 kilometers of my crazy family of robot assassins, cross dressers, and man-eating wolves so we can run away_'?"

Gon scrunched his eyebrows. "Too short."

Killua shook the other's shoulders so hard their heads banged against each other. "We. Have. To get. Out of. Here!"

Breaking out of his grip, Gon chose to ignore him in favor of staring at the estate in awe. Killua was always acting so weird. "Wow, it's been so long since I've been here!"

"All the more reason to leave."

"But we have to get, what was it called?" The hunter lifted a finger to his chin in thought. "Oh, right. Parental Consent! Mito-san told me so!"

"You mean like how you got 'parental consent' before kidnapping me?"

"Exactly! Plus your birthday's soon. Let's get married then."

"You're messed u-WHAT? You want it THIS YEAR?!" When Gon nodded enthusiastically, Killua flinched back at the happy-go-lucky lovelove stars sent his way. He just couldn't say no. Still, he wanted to avoid his crazy family no matter what the cost. An idea popped in his head. "Gon, it'd be better for you and me if we just elope."

"…"

"…I don't like your silence."

To Killua's horror, Gon merely produced a laptop out of nowhere and turned it on. Didn't they leave that horrid machine at home? Unbeknownst to him, Gon had went out and bought five extra computers using his hunter license.

He deadpanned. "Are you googling what 'elope' means?"

"NO…!" Gon denied.

"Give it up. There's no Wi-Fi here-" The bar lit up.

"…Damn it."

Gotoh had always been a huge YouTube fan, particularly for watching his pirated soap operas. It figures he'd finally snap and purchase actual internet so he didn't have to visit the library on his days off. It usually ended with him being kicked out for flooding the room with his tears.

The tortured boy was so distracted he wasn't paying any attention to what Gon did next until the boy tugged on his sleeve and pointed to the Facebook screen.

_Gon Freecss's status: Killua and I are eloping! 8D_

Killua threw Gon into a tree. "I should have NEVER INTRODUCED YOU TO THE INTERNET!"

"B-But…" He seemed ready to cry, "you're supposed to update whenever something new comes up."

"The point of eloping is to marry without _telling_ anyone!"

A voice interrupted their spat. From the gates, Kikyou Zoldyck made herself known. "Killu, what is taking you and your wife so long? Hurry up!"

"GON ISN'T MY WIFE-"

"Not yet!" Killua glared at him. Gon sent an innocent thumbs-up.

"Forget this." He grunted then started running the opposite direction. "I'm getting out of here!"

"Ah, Killua. Wait for me!"

"COME BACK RIGHT THIS INSTANT, KILLU!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

For trying to escape, the two boys were tied to a steel pillar the size of an elephant. Kikyou nonchalantly carried the luggage over her shoulder while walking towards the mansion. Of course, a woman never neglected her style so she had a dainty fan out.

Gon's head banged into a tire swing with no effect. "This is fun!"

"No it's not."

"I told you we shouldn't have run away." Killua smashed the soles of his shoes into Gon's face as much as he could while tied. "Mmfph, K-Killua…c-can't breathe."

"Oh my. Their first lovers' spat already?" All heads turned to the sight of Zeno in a Hawaiian flower shirt.

"Grandpa…?! Get us out of here!"

"Sure thing, Kill."

The assassin threw his head down in exasperation. "GAH, I knew it! We'll never get out of here-what, REALLY?"

A cheeky grin from the old man later and Killua nearly screamed. Behind his grandfather's back was the frilliest wedding dress he had ever seen. Zeno beamed. "We need to untie you boys to put this on after all."

"Oooh…!" Killua would've face palmed, he really would have, at Gon's eyes lighting up like a firefly.

"When did that thing grow lace? And a maid bow? AND WHY IS IT SO SHORT?!"

"Don't be silly, Kill. This is just a prototype. The real thing will be much shorter."

"YOU OLD FART! I'LL EAT DIETARY CHOCOLATE AND GIVE UP ICE CREAM BEFORE THAT EVER HAPPENS. EVERYONE…! Everyone will see Gon's…" A perverted blush colored his face.

Kikyou decided to interject. "Don't you think showing off the Zoldyck heir's wife is a good thing? Why, in my day, I had to prance out there in my underwear on our wedding night."

Killua gagged.

"I'm not wearing it." All eyes shot to Gon in shock. The boy himself blinked and smiled sheepishly. "Not without shorts underneath."

"Why's that?" Gon's eyebrows knitted in determination.

"Because only Killua can see it!"

Killua fainted.

"And, how should I say this." The oblivious boy continued. "He told me that he has a sociopath pig for a brother who set cameras everywhere. I don't want photos of that to go on Facebook since I get stalked by someone named PedoClown. I wonder who that is!"

Zeno shook his head. "Kids these days are no fun." The crazed old man stuck out his index finger and split the steel rock in half, jolting his grandson awake. Then, he lifted his half up to walk in a different direction. "Come on Kill. Your wife needs to try on the dress and you can't see it until the wedding."

Killua blinked confused. "H-Huh? And why not?"

"Don't want bad luck spreading, now do you?"

"You're an assassin with thousands after your head and you're worried about _THAT_?!" He began struggling more and more as Gon's- er, the pillar's silhouette faded in the distance. "Wait, doesn't this mean everyone will see Gon before me? Even Illu-ni? The pig…? HISOKA?!"

With his keen ears, Gon yelled from across the lawn. "NOOO. I WANT KILLUA TO SEE ME FIRST! That's not fair. I only wanted to be a pretty bride for Killua!"

"I told you this was a bad idea."

"We should've just eloped!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

An hour later, he was left on a stage with Kalluto ordering the white-haired boy to model for the suit they were preparing for him. Apparently, he had a small perfectionist complex and wanted Killua to do the poses just right or else his brother wasn't manly enough.

Killua managed to escape his life intact by burning the tie with his electricity. Kalluto's cries of 'NOOO' went ignored as he snuck away from the room as quickly as possible to the other side of the house where he knew Gon was. He had been hearing gut wrenching screams from his love from afar for ages now and it only wanted to make him want to destroy his family more.

He barged through the door where he sensed his aura. "Gon-!"

Gon was dressed in a maid outfit with the most luxurious black wig covering his normal hair and ribbons complimenting the look all around him, one off his neck, several on his arms, and one green bow on the back. He was tied to a pole with Zeno's special knot quite tightly, showing off his pale legs. It proved how much the boy inside had struggled to try to get out. Thankfully, from the compromising position, it could be seen that Kikyou had an ounce of pity and allowed him to wear shorts underneath.

Killua blushed, flabbergasted. Through his muffled brain, a funny idea came to mind. He smirked. "Who are you?"

"I'm Gon!"

"Look, random girl. I'm trying to find my fiancé."

"KILLUA, IT'S ME!" The assassin panicked and clamped his mouth.

"Be quiet! You'll blow our cover." Killua stepped back to begin untying the ropes. Luckily he'd learnt how to figure these knots out when he was three and grandpa had tied him to the vegetable section in the grocery story to try to get him to eat them.

Gon smiled. "So, how do I look?"

He was jolted from his thoughts and turned red. "E-Eh? Ah…you look r-really good…"

"Yay!"

Killua sighed, a smile tugging his lips. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

"You mean elope?" The cross dressing boy seemed excited. "I'm read-WAH!"

Without warning, the assassin had lifted Gon up bridal style and was halfway out the window. "Looks like I'll have to kidnap you."

"Eh? Kidnap?"

"Yes, I'm kidnapping my own wife. Now shut up so we can elope already!"

"Killua…" Gon suddenly hugged him. "That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me! But, don't we need parental consent-OW!" The other had head butt him on purpose. Gon pouted. "What about my clothes, can't we find them first?"

"We can just get you new ones. Cross dress as a girl for a bit and keep the wig on."

"But, but, but Mito-san made themmmm." He whined.

The white-haired boy twitched. "No but's. We'll go to Whale Island and ask her to make you more clothes, okay?"

"But, but, but-"

"Now just be quiet for a minute."

"But-"

Killua leaned in and kissed him. "Will you shut up now?"

Gon nodded.

Outside, they were home free. Just a couple more steps and they would be away from this insane family. A couple more steps and no more crazed mothers or designer old men and pedophiles. This would end happily. With his boyfriend in his arms, Killua sprinted past the front gates as fast as he could. Once on the other side, they both cheered. "FREEEEEEDOOOOOOMMM-!"

"Leaving so soon?" Silva beamed.

"Shittt." Killua ran into a tree. He spluttered. "F-F-Father! I thought you were in Jamaica?"

"I was, son. But I heard on Facebook you were as you young people say it, getting hitched. Tied down. Knocked up-"

Frail arms nearly dropped Gon. "YOU HAVE FACEBOOK?!"

"Indubitably. It was hard getting you to accept my friend request at first but then Milluki told me to change my name to 'WillyWonka' and it worked!"

"…fuck."

Silva leaned down to observe the person in his son's arms when he realized they weren't alone. "And who might this pretty lady be?"

Finally being included in the conversation, Gon grinned. "Hi! I'm G-ppffft!"

Killua had a hand over his mouth as a plan formed in his brain. "Th-this is…Gale! I'm uh, calling the wedding with Gon off to elope with Gale-" Gon bit his hand. "Ouch!"

"…"

"S-So, tell everyone at home that the wedding's cancelled! And to not look for us. The power of romance or something dictates it!"

Gon lowered his head.

The oldest of the three had a finger to his chin in thought. "But you were so smitten with Gon when you left home the first time."

Killua inwardly chocked. _S-Smitten? _"Yes!"

"Well, if you're sure." Silva leaned back and stepped aside, starting to make his way through the front gates. He glanced back to send a wave. "I look forward to being updated about it on Facebook!"

_And I AM SO DELETING HIM._ The white-haired boy sighed. "Ah, he actually left us alone! I can't believe it, Go-Gon?"

The addressed boy in his arms looked ready to cry. "W-W…W…"

"Um, Gon...you oka-"

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Killua dumped me for Gale! HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!"

Killua sweat dropped. "Calm down! I didn't…!"

"Oh, there you two are." He cursed as Zeno in a pineapple shirt appeared behind them. "Gon, we weren't finished doing your makeup. Now hurry inside!" Without warning, he grabbed the tear stricken boy from Killua's arms and began dragging him back to the estate.

"W-Wait!" Killua ran after them. A twig sticking up from the ground scratched his leg but he ignored it. "Grandpa, hold on! Just let me talk to Gon for a second." But the door was slammed in his face before he could even finish his sentence.

Staring at the legendary gates for a full minute, watching the dirt fall off its hinges when he pushed them open again, the sight of Gon's hurt crying face intruded the distracted boy's mind some time after he made it in and realized no one was in sight.

"Shit."

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

**Please check out Phoenix-Thunder's stories!**


	3. Chapter 3

Violet shoes stomped against the grassed lawn in a heated tantrum. He slapped himself, hit his head against several trees, and nearly contemplated sticking a branch through his arm as punishment. Stepping into the mansion, the change of scenery made him want to splash hot soup over his head instead. The only thing that could make this worse for Killua now was his mother. "Dammit, now I got to go rescue Gon AGAIN."

Unfortunately, this was the wrong time for Killua to forget about his assassin's step training.

"KILLU!" He froze. _Crap, it's mother._

The white haired boy did an effective ninety degree turn and sprinted in that randomly chosen direction. Unfortunately, it being a house built for assassins, there was supreme thought put into making sure there were absolutely no crevices for intruders, clowns, or run-away sons to hide in. So, he did the next best thing.

Killua stood rigid beside a flowerpot and shot his head towards the ceiling. _I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a plant. I'm a beautiful fucking plant._

"What are you doing?"

He leapt to the opposite wall, latching to the ceiling. Looking down in horror, Killua let out a sigh of relief to see it was only his younger brother. "Kalluto! Have you seen-"

"-Gon?" The smaller boy finished for him and pointed across the hall, a few doors down. "Yeah, he's in that room over there."

The albino wanted to laugh, jump for joy, and pat his little brother on the head in complete utter happiness. He knew that out of all his crazy family members, he could at least count on Kalluto to take his side.

The tides shifted when Kalluto brought out a tuxedo with a luxurious matching cape. "You won't get away from me this time, nii-san. Grandpa entrusted me with the key. I hid it somewhere and was told not to tell you where unless you wear this and promise to give him foot massages for the next three months."

The proud older brother tumbled to the floor. "…SCREW THIS. I'M BREAKING THE WALL DOWN!"

"You're not strong enough! And mother will be mad-!"

"GOOD!" Killua ran to the wall and with all the powers and desires to get his love out of the clutches of his demonic cross dressing family, blew the brick into smithereens. Kalluto stared. He looked at the tuxedo, then the wall, sighed and turned around.

The rebound of what waited him in that room was possibly the exact opposite of when he found Gon tied just a few hours ago. Gon was there alright, still in maid uniform, wig, but now with spades drawn on either side of his cheeks and mascara running down in tears. He quickly noticed Killua staring at him blankly. "Ki-Killu, Killua loves Gale more than me!" The boy cried and pointed.

Killua sweat dropped. "Gon, you are Gale! I lied to him!"

"**I DON'T CARE!**"

"HUH?"

"I still thought you loved me more!" Gon whipped his face, making the horrid shade of lipstick on his mouth smudge. It appeared he wasn't tied in any way and had every chance to escape, expressing just how distressed he was. "Gon, not Gale-!"

He was cut short when Killua suddenly appeared beside him and wrapped both arms around his shaking body. "G-Geez, you never make any sense but…does it look like I'll ever cheat or love anyone else more than you, Gon?" His face was all sorts of shades of red. Embarrassment ate away at him yet he still stared his boyfriend and best friend straight in the hideous pink eye shadow.

"K-Killua…" Gon smiled and hugged him back. "You do care! I love you more than anyone else too, even Facebook."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN _EVEN_ FACEBOOK? Since when did that THING become a person?" Killua looked appalled. "You just had to get all emotional and dramatic on me when you're the one who-what kind of makeup did grandpa put on you anyway?!"

"Hmm, I don't know but it itches. Can I rub it off on your…" He grabbed Killua's sweater.

"N-No no no!" All the makeup was wiped off. "Dang, I really liked this shirt too…"

"Well, we can always ask Mito-san to make you more clothes." Gon smiled innocently.

"This is revenge, isn't it?"

"Yup!" Killua hit him. "Ow-"

"Since my dad bought the lie from earlier, we can still escape without him being a threat." The white haired boy cunningly changed the topic. "But what about grandpa and mother…? They aren't gullible noodles like him." He lifted a finger to his chin then, suddenly snapped his fingers. "I got it!"

Before he could tell Gon his brilliant plan, Zeno barged in carrying a pimp stick. It seemed the giant chasm in the wall didn't bother him. "Killu, you're so impatient. I'm trying to pretty up your wife and yet you're-"

Without thinking, Killua tackled Gon so they both landed on the floor. He hovered over him seductively. Rubbing his own cheek against the flustered boy beneath him, he looked at Zeno annoyed. "What?"

To both their shock, the old man burst into tears. "Oh my…! Y-You two want to bang up that badly, huh? M-My little Killu is growing up! What will I do? This is just a sign that I'm getting old-GAH! MY HIP-! I didn't take my medication today." With another mutter about filling the ice trays for the homeless and putting on a normal shirt, Zeno stalked off by smashing another hole in the wall. The two boys stared, silent for a whole minute.

"Killua. I think you broke your grandpa."

"He breaks every Thursday." Killua got off of Gon, ignoring the heat between them while glaring at just how much his body was enjoying that position. "Let's just get out of here."

"B-But I don't get it. What did we do-?" The albino pinched his ear. "Ow ow ow!"

"You don't have to understand! Come on."

For the second time that day, they bolted out the front gates. They were in the home stretch. Waiting by the exact same spot he was this morning, Silva waved.

"Have _fun_ with Gale, son!"

Killua deadpanned. "We'll have tons of fun. Make sure whatever happened here does _not_ end up on Facebook!"

"I don't know about that. Illumi has been secretly filming you two for a while now." They both widened their eyes in terror as Silva pointed to a flowerpot next to them.

Illumi sprung out from the dirt. "Father. You were not. Supposed to tell. I'm a beautiful plant."

"Oh, my bad."

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

Tired of all the running, the two boarded a tour bus headed back into town. The albino was half ready to collapse in relief right there. "I-I can't believe it! We made it and neither of us is scarred for life-well, not completely. But you can't have everything."

"Killua…" Gon tugged on his sleeve before they took their seat. "Why is everyone staring at us?"

Not minding the attention too much, Killua drank out of a water bottle strapped to the side of his backpack. "Just ignore them."

Trusting in his best friend completely, Gon simply nodded. He daintily walked over to the aisle first and was about to sit down when a cold wind hit his thigh. "W-Whaaa…!"

The teenage boy who flipped his skirt scoffed. "Aw, she's wearing shorts! What a let-" He was cut off when a bus seat that was ripped from the ground rammed into him. His body along with the weight made a hole in the wall and they both flew out. "GYYYAAAAAHHHHH!"

"…"

Killua bestowed a shota smile.

Everyone looked away.

"Uh, thanks Killua…but our seat is gone now-OW! STOP HITTING ME!"

"This is your fault!" He pinched Gon's left cheek painfully. "How long are you going to keep that outfit on?"

"B-But but but," the boy repeated. "It's so pretty. Mito told me the prettier the dress on the night of the honeymoon the more fun it is, whatever that means. I'm keeping it on until our wedding!" Forgetting to swallow his water from before, Killua promptly spat it out.

"You moron…! What if someone attacks us?! Or we go mountain climbing? What if we fall off a plane and land smack in the middle of an Otaku boy's only headquarters island with no way out and HISOKA SEES YOU?!"

"Oh, will he think I'm pretty too?"

Killua was just about to retort when they were both interrupted by a cough. While the former froze completely, Gon turned to the sight of an obese sociopath in a pink shirt sitting in a seat across drenched in water with a phone camera out. For one miraculous moment, the gears worked in the spiked boy's head and the dots connected together perfectly. _Is that-! No, that can't be..._

"P-PIG?" _Or not._ "What are you doing here? Gon, we're leaving-!"

"Are you so sure about that, you little brat?" His voice was raspy. It would've sent a nasty chill down Gon's spine if he weren't adept to voice chats on Skype. "I have a button here. One push and this whole bus will detonate."

"But…" Gon trailed as Killua sat down. "There's already a hole in the wall…"

They ignored him. "Alright, Milluki…what do you want?"

"Nothing much, I heard the news and Illumi sent me the photos." The overweight boy took out a bag of trans fat chips. "Have you checked Facebook lately?" Killua paled. He dove into Gon's backpack to pull out one of his four laptops. Quickly logging into that accursed site, he brought the screen up for the both of them to see.

_30,756,278 likes._

"…"

Blush, one hot red messy blush colored the albino's face. It would've been fine if it stopped there, but no. Steam actually came out of his ears. "Y-YOU-! IT WASN'T LIKE THAT _AT ALL_. YOU FREAKING MANGA PHOTOSHOPPER!"

Confused at the photo from earlier with Killua leaning on fours over him, Gon blinked. "Why's Killua biting my dress? And why's my skirt riding up like that? And why are we all sweaty? And-" He turned to Milluki only to be pulled by Killua into his lap.

"Gon, get away from that pervert!"

Seeing this, the older boy sneered. "I have to admit I'm impressed a brat like you could get such a hot girl. I mean, it's not possible that she's not a prostitute or something. Just how much did you pay to get her from the streets or a brothel?"

Killua hugged the object of his affection tighter, sending a silent glare.

"Hey, you!" Milluki addressed Gon next. "I have money, more than this kid does. You ever want to visit my room some time? I'd like to see the look on my worthless brother's face when you-" A Nen enhanced punch smashed into his face, sending him flying out of the bus. "GYYYAAAAAHHHHH!"

Gon seethed. "**NEVER **insult Killua like that!"

The person this exchange concerned gaped in shock. Slowly but surely, a pink blush crept into his pale cheeks. Following it was a goofy smile. _I…I'm in love-WHAT?_ Killua slapped himself before anyone noticed.

"Hey, you two…! Stop damaging the vehicle!" The tour guide lectured from the front with a frown on his face. The boys sweat dropped at the two gaping holes in the bus. Then, "but you're a feisty girl, aren't you? I'll forgive the both of you mister if you let your lady friend accompany me to-GYYYAAAAAHHHHH!"

Killua, confused looked at Gon who only shook his head. From then on the mystery of the tour guide who flew out of the bus remained unsolved.

"What the hell, Gon?" Before any more trouble occurred, he grabbed the spiked boy's hand to step onto the streets. They ran a small distance away so no one from the bus would take any more Facebook pictures. "Everyone keeps flirting with you when you're wearing that thing. It's annoying!"

Upset, Gon squeezed the other's hand with teary eyes. "If it really bothers you Killua, I'll take it off." And proceeded to lift his skirt.

"**NOT HERE!**"


End file.
